God have I really been on LJ this long? (tubesoxrock) wrote in the_meme_pool,
God have I really been on LJ this long?
tubesoxrock
the_meme_pool

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hey hey

hello everyone... I was wandering through the doldrums of LJ and found a community that my friend Mike created... and that seemed at least somewhat interesting... So now Im here...

Let me hear your thoughts on this... speak your mind...(it begins a little anecdotal, but it gets there, i promise)

My first really serious significant other was Clark. Clark and I were together for about a year, and we split last May. I feel quite guilty about the whole thing because I think I was a stupid little girl about it all, it being my first actually real relationship, and I think I did quite a few things wrong. I had hardly any control over my emotions at all and was quite childish when I got upset. I was a lot more stereotypically Pisces, more sensitive, weaker, insecure... However, when I got really upset, mostly when I was really pissed, I was an awesome writer. My poetry was stellar. I've never written anything as amazing as I did then. And it just came to me, there was no effort involved. When we broke up, growth really hit me. Quite rapidly. All the things I shoudl've learned *During* the year-long relationship I learned in a period of just a few weeks. It all washed over me at once, and I consider my personality quite a bit different now. Im a lot more toughened, a lot less sensitive and needy and a lot stronger. However, I have a very hard time writing. I never get the inspiration I had then, and when I do get some sort of motivation to write, it seems very contrived and inorganic. Nothing like it was. So, I suppose my question or point to debate is this... They say there is a fine line between genius and insanity. I think this example proves this. Before I changed, when I was with Clark, I would've considered myself definitely some sort of insane, very much bi-polar and out of control. I probably should have had some sort of help (I probably should still, but I was a lot worse then). But I made brilliant art. And now Im not so crazy due to self-revelation and epiphany and internal removal of myself from a double-sided stasis. However, the genius is somewhat lost. So, what do you guys think? Does it have to do with the genius/crazy combo, or have I simply lost my muse? (I've always considered a muse to inspire positive creation though, mine was always out of some negative emotion). Has anyone else witnessed themselves shine brighter at a less than sane moment, or believe this theory? And which would you prefer, a constant temperment, but a dull edge, or insanity and a gleaming point? Tell me all your thoughts on the matter...
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